“Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? Neither can you do good who are accustomed to doing evil." Jeremiah 13:23
Although in the past I'd hoped he would, my son's father did not relinquish his hateful and selfish nature. It was dormant for a time, but darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that.
It's funny the way our minds work. Today, as I sit and seethe over the actions and character of my oldest son's father, the past keeps playing in my head like a broken record. Of course, for the sake of transparency, this man's actions aren't new to us. He's done this before. Hence, the reason for the broken record reference. We hear it all the time, "A leopard can't change his spots." Some people do change, but this man did not. I am ashamed of myself for letting him back into my son's life all those years ago. This time, this transgression, it lands squarely on my shoulders. I'm the guilty party.
We live in the age of step-families and single parents. That was the age we were living in 19 years ago as well. From the moment I found out I was pregnant with G, I knew I'd be a single mother. And I was fine with that. I had an obligation to tell the father I was pregnant, and I honored that obligation. I didn't ask for anything from him, but he said he wanted to know and be there for his child. Looking back, I don't honestly think it's what he wanted. If I had to guess, he probably said it because of his parents. Maybe he really believed it was something he wanted, or maybe it was what he thought his parents would want him to do. I don't know; it's mere speculation. From here on out, that's all it will ever be; speculation.
He said it was what he wanted, and I was happy he did. I was 23 years old with a beautiful little boy that I wanted to shower with as much love as I possibly could. His participation wasn't expected, but it was embraced. My baby was going to have a father and an extended family that loved him, and that was a good and rare thing.
We lived in different states, but he and his family had unlimited access to G. We had a financial arrangement that didn't involve the courts because he assured me it wasn't needed. And for a while it wasn't. He had access to his child any time he wanted it, he mailed $200 a month to me, and I took care of everything else. But, the payments started coming late. Some months, he would call and ask if he could send less than the agreed upon amount and I would oblige. If anything extra was needed for G, it would be taken out of his next child support payment to me. So, in all actuality, there weren't ever any extras. Eventually, it came to a point where the payments were unpredictable. They weren't coming at the arranged time and it was happening frequently. He would usually blame the late payments on his new wife, and like a naive school girl, I'd believe it. At a certain point, I had to put a stop to it. G was still in diapers and daycare, and those things were dependent on his payment being on time. So, I called the local child support office and had a wage garnishment set up. I didn't ask for more money and nothing changed except the timing of the payment.
Needless to say, his reaction was unexpected and extremely hateful. He sent me a letter through the mail calling me an evil bitch and telling me to go to Hell. He told me that he did not want to hear from me again in this lifetime and that G could look him up when he was 18 if he wanted to, but not a moment sooner. He said when G was 18, he would tell him what a greedy bitch his mother was. He ended the letter by telling me not to contact him or any member of his family (including his parents) ever again.
I was stunned and hurt, albeit the hurt wasn't for me. It was for my son. His father had just unapologetically said he wanted nothing to do with him... over money. And not even extra money. He gave his child up because I asked for the child support payment to be on time. Who does that? I took the letter to the county attorney and it was filed with the child support order for the purpose of documentation. And that was it. G was 18 months old at the time, and we didn't hear from his father or anyone in his family again until G was 5 years old.
The continuance of the story is a long one that has a lot of taking over the span of many years, with no giving back in return. But, I'll save the rest for another post.
As of today G is 19 and his father, yet again, has turned his back on his first-born child... over money. This time his words weren't aimed at me. They were aimed at his son when he said, "Have a nice f-ing life!" I had no idea this had happened until after G's father and girlfriend deleted and blocked both me and my son on social media. I can only assume what they were thinking, and I can only assume I was deleted due to cowardice on their part. As for me, I can and will tell the world what I'm thinking... He's a greedy coward that thinks deleting someone on social media actually erases them. As for his girlfriend, she's following a greedy spineless coward into the abyss.